Barney Stinson Week

It is a short week here at the Mullet of Blogs due to the Memorial Day weekend. Since there is too much to share about Barney Stinson in one post but possibly not enough to fill an entire 5-day week, this is the perfect opportunity to share this AWESOME character from the CBS television show, How I Met Your Mother.

I will begin today with sharing Barney's Blog, since I am a budding blogger myself!

Here are a couple of snippets from recent entries, try to tell me these aren't AWESOME!!!

NO KIDS UNTIL YOU’RE AT LEAST 45.
Here’s why.
• Studies have shown that human hearing starts to fade the instant you turn 45 so children won’t be as obnoxiously loud.
• After you turn 45 your game will naturally start to fade. Having a kid at that point gives you a prop that will help pick up chicks.
• According to the approved younger chick formula (your age / 2 + 7), when you turn 45 you can no longer hook up with a chick in her 20’s. Since the dream is over you might as well crank out a munchkin.
• Having a kid before you turn 45 means devoting much of your precious time to caring for and/or paying for it. After 45 what are you really doing with your time other than wishing you were younger?
• The longer you wait to have a kid the more likely you’ll be changing your baby’s diapers at the same time you have to change your own. While that may not sound ideal it will drastically reduce the amount of time you spend in your life dealing with poop.

Here’s a sampling of the eighty-three simple to follow guidelines I presented to Marshall and Lily:
1. You promise to always love me more than the baby.
2. Once a month I get to use the baby to pick up chicks.
3. That may involve the baby falling from a two story window and me heroically catching it.
4. No breastfeeding in front of me.
5. Forget about 4, it’s cool.
10. It’s middle name must be Barney.
14. Lily has to lose the baby weight by bikini season.
17. If I’m hungry you have to feed me first.
25. Never ask me to babysit.
25a. All babysitters you use must be female, hot, and of age.

Today is Martin Luther King Day; he was a pretty awesome bro. He taught us to have dreams and stuff. So I thought I’d share with you mine:
I Have A Dream
I have a dream that one day all bros will rise up and live out the true meaning of their creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident - that all are boobs are created pretty good."
I have a dream that one day black and white chicks will come together in my bed.
I have a dream that all peoples of this great nation will suit up together and that polyester will be abolished forever.
I have a dream that one day, all tee-shirts will be wet and boob jobs will be free.
I have a dream that there will be a television network that shows only “Predator” 24 hours a day.
I have a dream that feels like I’m falling and then I wake up before I hit the ground. It happens a lot. Should I see a doctor or something?
I have a dream that babies don’t cry on planes, that men don’t wear Uggs, that “second base” replaces the handshake, that girls leave when you’re done, that there are no waits for cabs, that I can look at a woman’s chest area without getting a dirty look. Yeah, you wore that blouse because you don’t want me to look there.
I have a dream.